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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.