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People will do odd things to get even.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....