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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
If video games have taught me anything, it`s that you`ll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss.
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)