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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.