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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.