Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?