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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"