Daily Silly Status

Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.

I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.

"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.

My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...

Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young

I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.

I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.

you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!

I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge

Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.

Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"