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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
Today I am thankful for dirty text messages, stripclubs, and Jack Daniels
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
A world without Facebook would be much more productive.