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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.