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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.