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My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.