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And then her mood ring just...exploded
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.