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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk