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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch