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I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.