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I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
It`s hard to trust people. Even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99