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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
I was laying down, looking up at the stars while I was writing this post. Then it dawned on me; `Where the heck is the ceiling?`
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.