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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.