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Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
I`m at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn`t have to get up to pee.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.