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Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
really vry funny
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.