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If you live in a custom-built house that doesn’t have a secret room hidden behind a fake bookcase, then seriously what is the point?
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.