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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
I`m putting more thought into my Halloween costume than into my job.
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!