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"Love is all we need."-Said a wise man 40 years ago. He obviously has never had a computer
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
mom- "if you dont have anything nice to say, don`t say anything"
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Be good ... or I will text Santa
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they`ll dig the wrong way. It`s called thinking ahead guys.