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dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I am sorry I wasn`t being completely honest when I said I was normal.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.