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Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?