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For once Iād like to get kicked into a bar
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.