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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.