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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.