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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone