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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
I`ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.