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My neighbor`s are going out of town for the weekend so I finally have the house to myself.
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Every pizza is a personal pizza, if you try hard and believe in yourself.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare