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Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
In honor of St. Patrick`s Day, I`m going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note “Don’t eat me”.Now there’s an empty plate and a note “Don’t tell me what to do”
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.