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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why Iām always so tired.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
Unless my horoscope says, "You will dread going to work and will most likely masturbate," then it is a crock of sh*t.
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.