Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Random Thought: How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
Never look at your beer as half-empty. Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
I’m bored. Anyone need anything avenged?