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twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.