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Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.