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All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!