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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
What is it about a car that makes people think we can`t see them pick their nose?
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.