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I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
2 words, 1 finger.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.