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Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.