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People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
My house has really let itself go.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you