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Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
That awkward moment when u start telling a story only to realise no one is listening so you slowly fade out and pretend to have said nothing.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........