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Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Today is the first day of the rest of my Vodka.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling