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If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Was that lightning? ... No, they`re taking pictures for Google Earth.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.