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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
There`s a time and a place for alcohol ... In my hand and now.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.