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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
My misery likes tequila, not company.