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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Breaking News: I took a bath today
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook