Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A great friend will be handcuffed next to you saying that was fun