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Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
Remember when the world ended last year?
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.