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I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.