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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
I love you with all my thighs. I would say my heart, but my thighs are much bigger.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
Is it rude to throw a breath mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Diet plan: make friends fatter
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
I`m getting worried about this Ebola virus. I mean, I`ve got Norton but...
U make me wish I had more middle fingers
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.