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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!