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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
Why does whoop-ass only come in a can?
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?