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My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
I`m already an idiot, I just need a village.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.