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That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.