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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Party like you will never be invited to another!
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
I imagine some people are like...: `should I take the shower?...no...I`m taking the train today...`