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Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
I’m sad when my food is over.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.