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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.