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In my head I sound like the Queen of England bitches!
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
Apparently asking girl scouts which cookie pairs nicely with whiskey is inappropriate....