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It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..Iβm sorry. but Iβve moved on.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
I put the βProβ in Procrastinate.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........