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I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
I always reply to my wife’s texts with :0))) I’m not being friendly, I’m discretely letting the fat bitch know how many chins she has.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.