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I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.