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I don`t mind helping people as long as I`m not slightly inconvenienced.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
lol I rotfl
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.