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With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
People who try to test my patience don`t realize it`s an exam I don`t plan on passing
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
Sorry I yelled "April Fool`s" while you were proposing to your girlfriend.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
I never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn’t hate.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.