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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you