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I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
I overheard 2 girls say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|