Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I start to feel really anxious when my work piles up. I never know what to ignore first.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.