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I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
I drink to make other people interesting.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.