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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like Iām choking it to death.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
Iām an only child, and Iām still not the favorite.
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.