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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.