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Running on two hours of sleep I’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
Gym Update: Not there.
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.