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Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
I need an app that shows oncoming traffic on my touchscreen while I`m driving
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
What if Justin Bieber is also Miley Cyrus? I mean have you ever seen them in one place at the same time?