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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
I had your cake and ate it too.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!