Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
When in doubt, procrastinate.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!