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Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Chuck Norris doesn`t flush the toilet...he just scare the sh!t out of it.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.