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My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
I flunked anger management class.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
The only reason I keep my land line is for the eventuality that this is The Matrix.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.