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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
I was sitting in traffic the other day. That’s probably why I got run over.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.