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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.