Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..